Mommy, The Press is Being Mean to Me – Donnie Whines

Trump is Crying the Blues (as are we all, but for a different reason)

Unable to keep from complaining and having self pity Trumpie wanted to talk to his mommy.  Instead here is the false news of his conversation with Kellyanne Conway where he tells her he just can’t stand the fact that the media critical of him cannot be put in jail.

DT:  Kellyanne, only Fox News says nice things about me, it’s just unfair.  And isn’t most of what they are reporting untrue?

KA:  Well your royal orangeness, they are using your own words and quoting you correctly. 

DT: But how can that be right, I mean you have always told me everything I say is great and just because you have to take a shower after being in the same room with me or prostituting yourself on CNN doesn’t mean I don’t believe you.  So why are we both getting all this flack?

KA: In my case it’s because I am lying my bleached ass off for you and while they bought that stuff during the campaign, somebody woke them up and now they are actually paying attention.  In your case they just hate the fact that you are rich and like Russia and keep saying things they can fact check.  You need to say true things, like that Mike Pence really is a ventriloquist’s dummy.

DT:  Putin said to the put them in jail, and that Klan guy I put at the Justice Department agrees but then he chickened out after no one would follow up.  How about I send that bodyguard fellow I sent over to fire Comey to knock a few heads on Morning Joe.

KA:  Well they do have video cameras now that would probably just show that in a distorted way and imply that you were threatening the press when we all know you were just looking out for those poor coal miners.  We did get a reporter arrested in West Virginia on the charge of asking questions, so gimme a little credit here.

DT:  But they are so mean, don’t they know I won the Presidency by the largest margin ever if you count the votes that went against me as being for me.

KA:  I know, they keep wanting to go to the actual vote count instead of listening to the President who knows far more about how many votes there were for him than those amateur election officials who approved the, you know,  (air quotes) ‘actual’ vote.  I think the only thing you can do to punish them is make them stay at Mar-a-Lago the next time you go to Florida.  I mean the place makes me queasy and nauseous, I think it makes everyone else just vomit.